“Do NOT jump off that couch Kaiden, you will hurt yourself.” I said to my growing dare devil 2, almost 3 year old son. I looked away for a split second to grab my laptop off the coffee table and I hear a heavy 30lb thump hitting the floor and landing on his arm. The tears start (his and mine), and this cry sounded different. This cry doesn’t sound like a “I hurt myself a little” cry, this cry sounds like an excruciating, I broke something cry. We scoop him up as fast as we could, rush out the door; he has no shoes on, no shorts and we are off to the ER. The nurses know us here. Kaiden, are you back, AGAIN?!?!? They doctor gives me a look, as if to say, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AT HOME? Am I really a “Bad Mom?”

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Growing up, I hung around my aunt that had my niece and my cousins to take care of. Though I always helped her with them, I never had that real nurturing, gentle touch. I was a bit rough with handling them and lets just say 15 years later, not much has changed. I am more the free ranged mom, free spirited; you know the kind that will allow you to jump, slide, bungee off anything as long as you didn’t break anything… guess that’s not the best method huh? As we sat in the hospital, I couldn’t help but to beat myself up and have mommy guilt about not being this cookie cutter, “perfect” mom. Yes, I feed my kid nuggets and pizza if need be if he refused to eat anything else. Yes, I watch movies or listen to music at times with curse words in them and cringe because I want to watch but I know its bad for him. Hell, I let him stay up until he’s ready to fall asleep and we have no set bedtime. Don’t tell the other moms, but I even let him eat snacks and drink juice before dinner and bedtime.

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This weekend the movie, “Bad Moms” came out in theatres and as Mila Kunis struggles to be this “good” mom that does everything “right”…. I’m like SHIT, that is me. I breastfed, but no I didn’t feed him everything organic, I watch him and monitor his every move the best I can, but here he goes with a broken arm at 2 years old, and I try to listen to appropriate music, but he turns up to trap music every chance he gets. What kind of mother am I? As Mila Kunis, Kathryn Hahn, and Kristen Bell tackle the joys and nightmares of motherhood, you have the “perfect” moms, Christina Applegate, Annie Mumolo and Jada Picket Smith who act as if they “have it all together”. GIRL PLEASE! I come over to some friends houses and I wonder, HOW SWAY? HOW? How do you not have dishes in your sink? How do you not have candy and juice stains smeared across your coffee table? How do you not have red juice stains on your white plush carpet? I have a friend and she thinks she is soooooooo “perfect” at this mommy thing and I am sure her reaction to my questions would be, I train my child to act accordingly. BOOM. Is that the answer? Am I raising a wild child so this is the results? I swear I try; I try my best daily. I try to find balance, I try to do yoga. I pray to God, Allah and Buddah and I ask for guidance on balancing my days… but my success rate of keeping everything in tact and keeping on schedule, goes out the window every single morning.

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My goal is to keep my sanity. If I have dishes in the sink, fuck it, they’ll get washed when I can. Maybe I can only read him a bedtime story every other night, oppose to nightly. Maybe I can get him to sit and eat with me at the table every other day, instead of forcing and fighting with him daily. I know they need guidance and structure, shit I need guidance and structure at 32 and I am fighting for it, but I need to accept that I am being the best Mom I can be. I am trying my best to get my life in order before he goes off to school. I wouldn’t want him to be the kid that is always late, that is sleeping in class because he stayed up too late, or the one that left his homework at home because his mom forgot to put it in his bag. Is there a learning curve to this thing? Can we just call this my learning, test phase? As Kaiden explained to the doctor he didn’t listen to mommy and he jumped off the couch and that’s how he broke his arm, the doctor looked at me as he sensed the concern in my eyes and he said, “Mom, your son is very articulate and smart. You are doing a great job and raising a smart boy.” In that instance, I went from beating myself up as a “bad mom” to being the best mom ever for this little guy.

12 Comments on I am a Bad Mom

  1. Leah J
    August 1, 2016 at 1:38 pm (1 year ago)

    I love this! I am definitely the same way with my son. I allow him to be free. My motto is “If it’s not illegal, it’s not an issue”.

    Reply
  2. Kristol
    August 1, 2016 at 2:36 pm (1 year ago)

    I saw this movie on Friday and it spoke to my soul. I would definitely be in the bad moms crew. My two year old is very spirited as well and at this point I have accepted the fact that he gives zero f**ks about his own well being and its my job to make sure he survives to see 3. That’s it. That’s all I got. That’s all I can give. I have a full time job and I am in school full time. I cannot feed you organic GMO free, gluten free, oil free foods on a regular basis. Weeks when I have major stuff due, its chicken nuggets for both of us. He likes to jump off shit. I try to stop him from jumping off of shit, but sometimes he jumps off. Most of the time he lands and laughs, a few times he cries, but he’s alive. We are doing the best we can do to equip them for this thing called life.

    Reply
  3. Latasha
    August 1, 2016 at 2:46 pm (1 year ago)

    Yes I like the movie and I’m a Bad mom sometimes . I am so tired o forget to feed them sometimes . It’s the truth . Last week I forgot to buy milk . But when you cool darn near 7 days a week and hold s full time outside job . I think I’m entitled .

    Reply
  4. melissa velazquez
    August 1, 2016 at 3:24 pm (1 year ago)

    Awh, you are a great mom! Like you said you are being the best mom you can be. I always believe as long as I’m questioning if I’m doing a good job then something must be working. I loved Bad Moms because it was a great reminder that we are all just doing our best. Sometimes that looks great and others times it’s messy!

    Reply
  5. Jabina Coleman
    August 1, 2016 at 4:53 pm (1 year ago)

    Awwwwww Yessss! We are all in the same boat girl. I beat myself up daily and I’ve been playing this mommy game for 12 years!!! What was I thinking going back 10 years later, IDK, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. We are all in this together. None of our mothers and grandmothers had it all together but guess what they made it work and we came out just fine, bumps, bruises and all. Transparency is key! If we all stop acting like we got it together we will be just fine and will be able to offer real support when needed. My son didn’t watch TV for the first 5 years of life(I’m so serious too)….fast forward to my baby girl…she’s only 2 years old and have had all kinds of screen time-TV, iPad, Kindle, smartphones etc., guess what? she’ll be okay! It keeps her quiet and occupied and mommy gets to cook dinner, wash clother, and whatever else is on the forever long To-Do list!!!

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  6. Fatima
    August 1, 2016 at 6:44 pm (1 year ago)

    Parenting is tough. It takes patience and routine. But just because you’re not 100 percent doesn’t mean your child will fall off the deep end. I stay away from moms who think they are perfect. I really feel like some just get lucky and take all the credit. Your child’s personality plays a huge roll on how everything goes and the challenges we face. They are human too. I learned early on everything I read “to do” isn’t going to work for my son. Like going to bed at 8pm. It never happened without him waking up in the middle of the night thinking it was a nap. lol Just don’t give up when it gets hard. We can see how much you love your son. That’s most important.

    Reply
  7. Kim
    August 1, 2016 at 10:59 pm (1 year ago)

    I didn’t see bad moms. I so want to. I guess boys are different. My nephews are more of a dare devil than my daughter. I doubt it has anything to do with your parenting.

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  8. Natalie
    August 2, 2016 at 2:27 am (1 year ago)

    I feel like I’m a great Mom but when other people comment on how I’m training my kids I start to question myself I’m I doing a great job like I think I’m doing. It really hurts my feelings when my Mom has alot to say about the kids not going to sleep early or I don’t cook early enough or I don’t do there laundry every week etc..Because she had it all together so she thinks. My mom cooked everyday,had a full time job, went to school part time,blah blah and I feel like she did what she thought was great but she didn’t hug,kiss or tell me she loves me. Does that make her a bad Mom? I’m mature now to know she did what she thought was important. I try to put my kids to bed early and the oldest comes out the bed every minute and says ” Mommy I just want to tell you I love you or Mommy I just want to give you a hug and kiss or Mommy I want to tell you goodnight. Well I’ll be a bad Mom if I don’t have the structure part down pack but I sure have the love and affection part and that’s what matter to me as a MOM. Can’t wait to see the movie.

    Reply
  9. Kim
    August 2, 2016 at 8:57 am (1 year ago)

    Despite it all your kids will never think you are “bad mom” they believe in you with their souls. Enjoy him. Some day he will be 30.

    Reply
  10. Desiree Dismore
    August 2, 2016 at 1:52 pm (1 year ago)

    Girl, I don’t know what type of mom that I am but I am tired. I read to my daughter at night (she is three months and barely even looks in the direction of the book) but I let her sleep in the bed with me. I breastfeed her but I don’t let her pacify feed. I do what I can, when I can. By helping myself, I help her. A cranky mom makes for an angry mom.

    Reply
  11. Nikki Ricketts
    August 3, 2016 at 12:38 pm (1 year ago)

    I think the fact that give a thought or two about whether you are doing the best as a mother is a sign you aren’t a bad mom. We are all trying to figure it out even a veteran mom with multiples…no child is he same and no mom is the same. Happy and healthy kids is our ultimate goal so they grow up to be awesome people that’s all we can ask. I haven’t seen bad moms but I can’t wait bc wine, girl time and momming makes me happy – don’t be too hard on yourself as I say God built kids Ford tough so they will get bumps, bruises and breaks…all we can do is love them up, feed them what they will eat and try to sneak in healthy stuff haha and have fun because before we know it they are all grown up.

    Reply
  12. Terina Williams
    August 8, 2016 at 11:00 am (1 year ago)

    I absolutely loved this! Had me laughing because my son is the same way lol. He broke his leg when he was 4…at the playground. But still, I LOVE when moms can just be honest about what it’s really like. There are no perfect moms. The ones you do see online only show you the good (staged) parts and the ones in real life probably have a different story behind closed doors. The video at the end was cute too, poor baby lol 🙂 Keep up the good work Mama!!

    Reply

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